


Left Unspoken

by imherecauseimnotallthere98



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Bi Dean, Bisexual Dean, Bisexuality, Blood, Blood Loss, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Burns, Castiel's Grace, Castiel's Wings, Coping, Crying, Dean Has Nightmares, Dean is Not Heterosexual, Drinking, Grace - Freeform, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hunters & Hunting, Loss, Major Character Injury, Nightmares, Scars, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, Vampires, Winged Castiel, Wingfic, Wings, dean is bi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imherecauseimnotallthere98/pseuds/imherecauseimnotallthere98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was meant to be an easy hunt, after all, it was only five vampires against two Winchester's and an angel. But when a nest of five turns out to be a nest of twelve, Dean and Sam have to act fast. With Cas' grace weakened after being cut off from heaven, and them being drastically outnumbered, no one escapes unscathed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. More notes at the end. I couldn't figure out how to use italics, so I used // when someone is thinking. Obviously I own nothing. Title is from Rascal Flats "What Hurts The Most"

It was a quiet, boring day. Sun lazily filtered through Bobby's blinds and filled the house with a soft glow. Dust motes floated around in it's warm rays, settling onto the books littering every available surface.  
Sam sat with his laptop at the kitchen table, scrolling through the news, looking for a case. Bobby sat at his desk in the living room, leafing through some old books and sipping cheap whiskey. Dean and Castiel, meanwhile, sat beside each other on the couch, watching TV.  
Dean nonchalantly rested his arm on the back of the couch behind Cas, while the angel sat on the edge of his seat and stared at the TV with intense concentration. Dean mused that if Cas leaned back, he would have his arm around the angel's shoulders.  
It would have been a relaxing day, except they hadn't had a case in a week, and everyone was itching to get out and hunt. They had called everyone they knew, but no one needed backup or had anything for them, so they were stuck here until further notice.  
Bobby was trying to dig up more info on Purgatory, but there wasn't much to be found. All the lore said was that it was neither Heaven nor Hell, just an in-between purifying dimension for the souls of people who died without deadly sins, but were not baptized. The Winchesters knew it was nothing like that. They had found out enough to know that it was where the souls of monsters went after someone killed them. They just needed to know if it posed a threat, and why Crowley wanted it. Unfortunately, there was no lore on that, so the hunters were left to piece together what they could by reading between the lines.  
Dean sighed in boredom and tried to be interested in whatever Cas was watching. It was something on the nature channel about monkeys, but at least it wasn't porn this time. Occasionally the hunter would look to the angel at his left, and if anyone saw the wistful look in his eyes, they didn't say anything.

"Hey guys," Sam said, turning slightly away from his computer screen, yet not taking his eyes off the article he was reading. Everyone looked up from what they were doing.

"I, uh, I think I found a case."

Dean got up from his spot on the couch and came up behind Sam. He rested his hands on the back of his brother's chair, reading the article over his shoulder.

"Damn. Cattle mutilations, three missing persons, two bodies found drained. Yeah, that sounds like our kind of thing. What do you think? Vamps?"

Sam nodded.

"Sounds like."

Dean sighed. He hated vampires. They left behind huge messes to clean up, and finding the nest was always hard.

"Where's this from?"

Sam finally looked away from his screen when he answered.

"Fieldale, Virginia."

 

The next morning, the three of them pulled out of Bobby's scrap yard and hit the road. They would have let Cas take them there by angel travel, but the poor guy wasn't even at half power. He told them that, sadly, he didn't have the energy to get them that far. Dean quickly told him to stop his pouting and that it was okay, they were used to driving. That didn't seem to make the angel feel much better, but he nodded in agreement.  
In the Impala, the two brothers sat up front, while Castiel seemed content in the middle of the back seat. As usual, the driver blasted his classic rock music, while everyone else just put up with it. Sam was used to it now, he had been for years, and Cas was actually starting to like some of it.

 

Around noon, they pulled into a little roadside diner slash gas station to get something to eat and to fuel up. While Dean paid for gas, Sam and Cas went inside to find a booth.  
The diner was small, but bright and cheery, with big windows lining the walls and an open setup. There were fake flowers on the walls here and there, over the light purple wall paper. At the counter, there were a few guys drinking coffee and eating sandwiches, but other than that, the place was mostly empty.  
Sam and Castiel quickly found a booth and sat down opposite each other, waiting for Dean.

A redheaded waitress soon approached their table to take their order. She was about twenty-seven, slim, but curvy and tall with a flirtatious smile.

"What can I get for you two today?"

Sam noticed that even though the question was for both of them, she smiled a little warmer at Cas. The Winchester coughed and spoke up.

"I'll have the garden salad and a water."

She nodded and scribbled something down on her notepad, then turned back to Cas.

"And for you, sweetheart?"

Cas quickly glanced at the menu.

"Two bacon cheese burgers please."

She wrote down his order and smiled at him.

"Coming right up."

Cas seem oblivious to her flirting, and ignored her. She frowned before going to place their order.

Dean entered a moment later and quickly spotted his brother and the angel. He walked right past Sam and sat down beside Cas.

"I ordered you a burger, Dean." Castiel said, staring at the older Winchester as he did.

"Thanks, Cas."

Dean smiled warmly at the angel, both his smile and his gaze lingering until Sam spoke again. Sam saw the look of adoration on his brother's face, and it confused him, but he didn't mention it.

"So, we should be in Fieldale by tomorrow night, right?"

Dean caught himself staring and tore his eyes away to look at his brother. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Uh, yeah. If we drive all night we can be there by morning though."

Sam groaned in annoyance, and even though Cas didn't make a sound, it was clear he wasn't too keen on sleeping in the Impala either. Dean just rolled his eyes at both of them.

"Right, I forgot you girls need your beauty rest."

Just then, the waitress returned, having seen a third party join the table. Sam prepared himself for Dean's awful pick up lines and painfully obvious flirting. She smiled at Dean.

"Can I get you anything?"

“Here it comes.”

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks."

“What? Did Dean just not flirt with the hot waitress?” He always flirted, it was part of his MO. This was almost worrisome.

The girl, Sam notice her name tag said Chelsea, shot one last hopeful smile to Dean, who didn't react. Seeing that she was getting nowhere, she just nodded and left.

Sam leaded across the table slightly to talk to his brother.

"Man, are you dying or something? I mean, you didn't even check her out."

Dean glanced at Cas before quickly looking out the window and avoiding his brother's stare. He shrugged.

"Not interested."

Sam was about to ask if something was wrong, when a different waitress brought them their food. That got Dean's attention. After asking if they needed anything else, which they didn't, she left.

As they ate, they discussed the hunt ahead of them. Sam pointed out that Virginia was big farming county, so the nest would probably be a barn. Dean groaned. Trying to find one specific abandoned farm in Virginia was like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. The hunt ahead of them wouldn't be easy.

 

They left the motel around seven the next morning. Dean was stiff and sore when he got up and stretched, wincing a little as his back popped and cracked. He'd given Cas the other bed and slept on the couch, ignoring his brother's incredulous looks. He knew the angel like to sprawl now that he actually slept. He didn't mind giving up his bed for Cas, though he would much rather be sharing it with him.  
Dean quickly pushed those thoughts away, refusing to start that train of thought again. He had never felt any sort of attraction for a guy, let alone felt...what he felt for Castiel, and it scared him. It scared him that he had let the angel in that much. He didn't know why Cas was different to him, he just...was. Dean sighed.

/“Damn it.”/

 

They hit the road by seven the next morning again. Dean drove, and as always, he sped. Though Sam knew Dean could turn a five hour trip into a four hour one, he also knew speeding in a '67 Impala wasn't exactly subtle. The last thing they needed was a cop pulling them over and recognizing them. Dean had been on TV a few times before. Once during a shape shifter fiasco, another time during a bank hostage situation. He'd been wanted by the FBI, and Sam had his fair share of offences that could land him in federal prison beside his brother. After all, he had been with Dean through everything, it was well know by the cops that they worked together. Still, Sam didn't say anything when they made it to Fieldale nearly two hours sooner then he had expected.

 

They checked into the motel by five thirty. The brothers decided it was too late to go to the morgue, so they would wait until tomorrow. Sam got his laptop out and started researching the victims. Even though they were probably just random people in the wrong place at the wrong time, it didn't hurt to see if maybe there was a connection. Maybe someone else was in danger, someone they could save.  
Dean let Sam research while he went out to get supper, Cas tagging along. The older brother decided on tacos, partly because he wanted the angel to try them, and partly because he wanted to see Sam's bitch face when he had to eat something he didn't deem "healthy".  
On the way back they stopped for pie, Dean's demand of course, then headed back for a late supper and an early night.

 

The next day, Sam was up around six. He looked around and saw Dean still passed out on the couch, and Cas sprawled on the opposite bed. Knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, Sam got dressed and grabbed his laptop.  
He hadn't found anything in common with the victims, and based on what the papers said, he was pretty sure it was vampires. From what he could tell, the attacks started about a week ago, so a nest had probably just arrived. They moved around a lot, it would be too easy for hunters to find them if they didn't.

Sam read through a few other articles from the local paper on his laptop. Nothing in particular, he was just trying to pass the time until Dean and Cas woke up. Nothing else interesting seemed to be happening in town.

 

Once Dean started to snore, Sam figured it was time to wake his brother up. He started to get up to go shake him, but Cas beat him to it. Apparently, Cas was a light sleeper, and the snoring had been enough to wake him up. The angel, who very much enjoyed sleep now and hated being woken up, sat up grumpily in his own bed and flung his pillow at Dean. Even only half awake his aim was good. He hit the hunter square in the chest, startling him awake. Dean jumped when the pillow hit him, and, being only partially awake himself, he didn't have the balance or reflexes to catch himself before he fell off the couch.  
He sat up quickly and looked around. By now Sam was nearly bent over laughing, and even Cas smirked at Dean's confused face.

"Cas, the hell man?"

"You were snoring. You woke me." Cas sounded like he was being coy, and by now the brothers knew him well enough to know that he was.

Dean snorted and shook his head.

"I don't snore." He grumbled as he stood up. By now Sam's laughing had died down, but he chuckled at Dean.

"Yeah, Dean, you do."

The hunter rolled his eyes at his little brother.

"Whatever. Now that I'm awake," He shot Cas a glare as he walked past him towards the bathroom."I'm gonna take a shower and get dressed. We gotta head to the morgue soon."

 

Their visit to the morgue was short. Using fake FBI badges got them past all security and access to all the files, and after Sam glanced through the reports, the brothers asked to see the bodies. Once they saw the fang marks in the victims necks, it didn't take long for the three to agree that it was definitely vamps they were hunting.  
The morgue attendants were stumped. Best guess they had was some kind of animal attack since the bodies were found in the woods. Dean perked up when he heard that, but after finding out that they had been nowhere near each other, he remembered it was never that easy to find a nest. Vamps weren't that sloppy.

The next step would be to go to a local bar and ask about new people in town. Though vampires needed blood to survive, they really seemed to enjoy booze too. In a small town like this, new people in the bar scene were noticed.

 

Around eight that night, Sam, Dean and Cas all headed out to the bar closest to the motel. They didn't really think the vamps would show up soon, but it never hurt to be there early to scope out the place and check. Thankfully, all the fangs that had the brother's scent were long dead, so they didn't need to worry about being found out immediately.  
While Sam and Cas kept watch for any possible giveaways, Dean forced himself to casually flirt with the bartender. She introduced herself as Lauren when they started chatting. She was hot, he guessed, and she was his type, but he wasn't really interested. He managed to get her to tell him about some new people in town that started coming into the bar a week or so ago. She said they had been rowdy and loud, most nights they drained a few bottles of Jack or Crown straight. Dean nodded. That sounded like most of the other blood suckers they ran into, and they had shown up a week ago, right when the disappearances started and the drained bodies were found. Okay, so they had a possible lead, now all they needed was to see these guys to get a feel for them themselves. If something seemed fishy, they would tail them.  
The bartender stopped what she was doing as the outside doors banged open and a group of about four guys and two girls dressed as bikers stumbled in, laughing and yelling at each other in the otherwise quiet bar. Lauren caught Dean's eye with hers, then looked to the people entering the bar. The hunter glanced at them over his should, then turned back to her.

"That them?"

Lauren nodded.

"Yeah."

She sounded annoyed and vaguely concerned. Dean caught her tone.

"They scare you?"

Lauren tore her eyes away from the group as they sat down at a table in the middle of the floor. She glanced at Dean, then down to the glass she had been wiping. The black haired woman shook her head.

"Sometimes. I mean, I can deal with the loud drunks and the party hard idiots, but they just...I just get a bad feeling about them."

Dean glanced around for his brother and Cas. Catching both of them standing beside each other, glancing in his direction, Dean nodded at the loud group in the middle of the bar. Sam nodded back, he had guessed them too. Dean held Cas' gaze a little longer than his brother's, before turning back to the bartender, tipping her generously and leaving the counter to rejoined his brother and the angel.

"Bartender says they've been showing up every night the past week. Never saw them around town before then. They come in here every night, down a bottle of something, then leave."

Sam nodded, never taking his eyes of the group. Cas simply observed them. Dean spoke up.

"We should tail them when they leave."

Sam shook his head.

"If the nest is a farm, they would notice us following them out of town."

Dean grumbled, but conceded. His brother was right. It would be pretty obvious to anyone if they were following them on grid roads.

"So what are we supposed to do?"

Sam cast about, trying to think of something, when he stopped and looked at Cas.

"Do you have your phone with you?"

The angel reached into his pocket and pulled out the cell phone the brothers had provided him with, showing it to Sam. The hunter grabbed it and flipped through it.

"If we turn the GPS on and plant Cas' phone on one of 'em, we can track them back where ever they go."

Dean grinned.

"Smart move, Sammy."

 

The older Winchester watched and tried not to laugh as his little brother stumbled towards the table in a faked drunken haze. Sam made his way towards the suspected vamps, his eye on one in particular. Once he was close enough, he pretended to trip. It worked. While he was practically draped over one of the guys, he managed to drop the phone into his inside jacket pocket. Sam was roughly shoved off, and he made sure to slur his words as he apologized and stumbled outside. Dean and Cas soon followed.

"Nice performance in there, Sammy. You could be on Broadway."

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean.

"Bite me."

The younger Winchester pulled out his own phone and checked that he could trace the GPS on Cas' cell. He nodded to let the other two know he could. Dean grinned proudly at his brother.

"Alright, now we just gotta wait 'till they leave."

 

They headed back to the motel to wait. Sam sat on his bed, periodically checking his phone, while Dean leaned against the backboard on the opposite bed, beside Cas. He dozed off and on, waking up when the angel shifted or Sam checked his phone. Hunters rested whenever they could, you never knew when you'd have to go a day or two without sleep. The TV droned on in the back ground, but no one was really watching it. Finally, around ten, Sam told them that the signal from Cas' phone was no longer coming from the bar, but from a country road. Dean forced himself to sit up and wake up.

"Alright, we should head out. Where's the signal now?"

 

By ten thirty they had traced the phone back to an old farm a ways out of town. Dean turned off the lights and stopped far enough away that the engine noises would hopefully go unnoticed. The three made their way on foot up a high road where they could easily see the barn from a higher vantage point, but where they were hidden behind trees. Dean and Sam crouched down out of instinct, while Cas stood, shielded by brush, trees, and the dark of night. The wind was in he hunters' favour up here. Dean knew from experience that vamps had a great sense of smell, and he would hate for them to notice they had been tailed. Another perk to having the wind blowing towards them, was that it carried sounds farther. Even from fifty yards away, the brothers and Cas could easily hear the suspects talking about their last kill, and planning a hunt.  
When a car started up and left, the oldest Winchester told his brother and the angel to tail them, saying he would stay here and scope out the place. As he suspected, Sam tried to throw a bitch fit and refuse to leave Dean near the nest by himself. Dean told him that he could scope out the place to get an idea of how many fangs were here, and he swore he wouldn't make a move unless he had to. Sam finally conceded, saying he and Cas would follow the car. Castiel turned to the older hunter.

"Be careful, Dean." He said, his tone still gruff, but filled with a slight apprehension. Dean smiled at him and nodded.

“I'm always careful.”

Cas frowned at him, but left with Sam anyways.

Once they were gone, Dean sighed in relief. If the two vamps in the car were hunting, his brother and the angel could easily take care of them by himself.

"They're safer where they are." Dean thought. On the other hand, now he was stuck here, lying on his stomach on the cold, slightly wet ground, not fifty yards away from a vamp nest. Meanwhile, the other two were nice and warm riding around in the Impala, probably following a nice, easy hunt, or a bust.  
Dean sighed. He adjusted the machete strapped to his hip, pulled a loose scope out of his pocket, and settled in for a good, long wait. He had to try to get a head count here. He made sure to keep his breathing even and relaxed, using the techniques John had taught them for sniping to keep his heart rate as slow and calm as possible. He knew from what some vamps had told him, and from his time as one of the blood suckers, that they could hear blood pumping from half a block away, the last thing he needed was to be noticed. He was pretty sure he was far enough away that if he stayed calm, he would be fine.

 

After a few hours, Dean sent Sam a text, asking his brother for an update. Sam told him the car had stopped and the vamps were waiting to ambush the next vehicle that came by. So far, nothing, and the younger hunter wouldn't kill them and risk making the nest suspicious unless he had to. Dean hummed in agreement before telling Sam that as far as he could tell, it was a small nest. Counting the two in the car the angel and his brother were watching, the hunter only counted about six fangs total. An easily hunt for two guys with and angel up their sleeve.

 

The first rays of sun were just starting to light the area Dean was in when he heard the low rumble of his baby. He saw Sam and Cas sitting up front, and quickly checked that neither looked injured. They both looking as tired as he felt, but still in one piece. The hunter stayed low as he moved away from the ridge the road provided, only getting up when he was far enough away. He winced at his stiff and cold muscles, and stumbled to the car. He didn't even attempt to tell Sam to move over so he could drive, Dean just opened the back door, got in and flopped where he was. He could barely stay awake, through the cracks of half open eyes, he caught Sam's gaze in the rear view and shot him a weak smile.

"Home, James!" He joked, making his brother smile and start to drive away.

 

Back at the motel, the three stumbled into their room, exhausted and ready to sleep. Sam made it to his bed, since it was closest to the door. Normally that would have been Dean's bed so he could protect Sam should anything get in their room, but now it was Sam's turn to sleep there and protect Cas, since Dean had given up a bed. The angel was so weak he was practically human, and he wasn't as experienced in protecting himself as a human. Next, Cas flopped on his own bed. He didn't even crawl under the covers, just instantly passed out.

"Idiot." Dean thought. "He's gonna freeze."

The hunter started towards the couch, then changed his mind. He wanted to sleep in a bed, he want to stretch out and be comfortable. There was no room on Sam's bed to spare, so Dean flopped next to Cas. The angel was laying on his side with his back to the door, already in a deep sleep. Dean finally let his heavy eyes fall shut as he lay on his back. No one bothered setting an alarm, they would only sleep a few hours anyways.

 

When Dean woke up, he felt warm and content. And something else, he felt relaxed. He wasn't sure why yet, but as he slowly woke up more, he notice more around him too. He became aware that his one arm was asleep because he had been laying on it, but when he tried to move, he fully notice the warm body pressed against his chest and stomach. Opening his eyes, all Dean could see was messy, dark hair. He was confused for a moment, almost wondering if he'd brought a girl back to the room, until he remembered he had fallen asleep on Cas' bed.

/"So is he...? He is. He's friggin' snuggled against me. And I have my arm around him. Around Cas. God fucking damnit we're /spooning."

Dean's internal monologue continued this way for a while, while Dean himself tried to figure out what to do. On the one hand, he was spooning with Cas, which was part of what he wanted, and it just felt right and it made him feel happy. On the other hand, he had no idea how the angel would feel about this, or what would happen when Sam woke up.

/"Oh God, Sam. What if Sam sees this?"/

The thought nearly made Dean jump up right then and there, but then Cas' breath deepened more, and Dean knew how cranky the angel got if someone woke him up. So the hunter stayed put, letting Castiel sleep. He himself stayed awake, simply enjoying the warmth and comfort of having the person he wanted most find some comfort in him. Also, he needed to stay awake, because he needed to be ready to move if either Cas or Sam started to wake up.  
Unfortunately, he only got to enjoy it for a few minutes longer before he heard Sam's breathing speed up, a clear sign he was about to wake up. Gently as he could, Dean disentangled himself from the angel, rolling onto his side and siting up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing up. As he stretch and yawned, he heard his own body pop and crack into place as his brother woke up. Shooting one last glance at the sleeping Castiel, Dean made his way to the bathroom to change and get ready.

 

By the time he was back out, everyone else was awake and up, also getting ready for the hunt. Cas saw Dean come out, and he smiled at him. For a second the hunter's heart stopped. Did Cas remember this morning? Did he know what had happened? Deciding he probably didn't, otherwise he would have said something, Dean relaxed and smiled back warmly.  
It was about noon now, so everyone figured the vamps would all be asleep. They all piled into the dirty Impala and headed back to the farm.

 

"So what's the plan?" Sam asked his brother, looking over to the old, worn barn about fifty yards away.

Now that it was daytime, they could see it better. Though it was still solid and sturdy, it was a faded light brown. Old, rusted farm equipment, tall grass, and weeds littered the yard nearby, making the place look even older and more abandoned than it really was. The farm itself was about thirty miles out of town, at least ten from the closest neighbors, and surrounded by tall, thick trees. It was desolate, hidden.  
A breeze blew and Sam was glad for the break from the blistering hot sun, there wasn't a cloud in the sky today to offer shade. He would be glad when the job was over and he, Dean and Cas could go back to the motel. He just wanted a nice, cool shower and some food. Dean shrugged.

"Go in and kill 'em all. They should all be asleep right now. All the vamps we've ever seen were only do their thing at night. There's about five or six of 'em in there," Dean nodded towards the barn, which he could barely see through the trees. "Shouldn't be too difficult. Besides, we've got an angel with us."

Dean turned to Castiel on the last line, a smile on his lips. The angel remain unreadable as ever as he looked back at Dean.

"I don't know how much assistance I will be to you. I do not have my full powers and I am not nearly as strong as I was."

Dean shrugged again.

"They don't know that, besides, you got your angel blade."

Cas let the sword slip from the sleeve of his coat and into his right hand. It had a comfortable, familiar weight to it. He looked back to Dean and nodded. The two hunters and the angel left the Impala's side, armed with machetes and the blade, ready to clean out the nest.

 

Dean pushed the door of the barn open slowly and quietly. Sam stepped in first, his knife at the ready, immediately followed by his brother, and lastly, Castiel.  
It was dim inside, the only light coming in from cracks in the roof and the open door. Dean immediately noticed that the air wasn't stale, a clear sign that this place was being used frequently. It was a big interior, and the whole bottom level was filled with cots and hammocks, inhabited by sleeping vampires. More than Dean had initially thought. When he'd staked out the place last night, only five or six vamps had shown up. Now there were at least ten, if there weren't any in the hay loft.  
Sam turned to look back at his brother, clearly surprised at the amount of monsters. Dean nodded in understanding before turning and continuing to move through the barn, careful to be quiet and not to bump anyone. Sam took it in stride and made his way to the stairs, while Castiel stayed near the door in case any of the fangs should wake and try to bolt.  
The brothers rejoined Cas a few minutes later. Dean turned questioning eyes to Sam, who shook his head, no vamps in the loft. Dean nodded before gesturing that there were twelve on the main floor.  
He, Sam and Cas all moved to attack, they would try to kill as many asleep as they could, especially with how badly out numbered they were.  
The two hunters each stood over a vamp, machetes raised at the ready, Dean cast a glance at Castiel, the angel raised his sword and nodded. The hunter nodded back, and as one, the two Winchesters and the trench coated angel brought down their blades.  
Though they were as quiet as possible, they had caused enough commotion to wake one of the sleeping vamps, who screamed a warning, waking the others. Now there were nine very pissed off vampires to deal with.  
They all regarded each other for a moment, the fangs observing the hunters, the hunters forming strategies. After a few tense moments, everyone attacked at once.  
Sam tried to dodge a punch from one of the guys, but he wasn't quick enough and earned a solid hit to the nose. He straightened up, swung, and took it's head clean off. No one noticed the sickening thud it made when it landed, Sam had already moved on to helping his brother, who was fighting two vamps and loosing.  
Cas was pulling his blade out of a lifeless body, a woman, who looked about twenty five but could have been decades older. The angel stood up, only to be pounced on by two more male vamps. Normally, they wouldn't have been powerful enough to take him down, but being cut off from Heaven, he lost not only much of his power, but nearly all his strength as well.  
He was knocked to the ground, his angel blade flew from his hand and skidded across the barn floor. His only chance now was to defend himself. The two vamps were trying to sink their teeth in, and Castiel wasn't sure how much longer he could hold them off. It wouldn't kill him if they did, but he wouldn't be able to heal himself in this state, and it would hurt. The vampires stopped for the moment and hoisted Cas up, slammed him back first against a support beam and pinned him.

"Dean!" Castiel called for help, seeing a third fang pick up his blade.

Dean heard the angel yell his name somewhere behind him, but he and Sam were both busy. He chopped off the head of a vamp who was focusing on his little brother before Sam turned to another one on his right.

"Dean!" Cas yelled again, more frantically, as the woman with the blade came towards the angel, the other two holding him in place. He struggled to get free, but with his limited strength it didn't take much for the monsters to hold him. Castiel turned terrified eyes in the direction of the oldest Winchester, who was still somewhat behind him helping Sam take on the other four, and had his back turned to the angel. The two brothers both took out a vampire each, standing back to back and defending each other.  
Dean turned when he heard Cas scream in pain, his shout laced with the higher pitched ringing of his true form crying out in pain. He turned just in time to see the vampire sink the blade deeper into the angel's stomach.

"No!" He cried out, running towards the three vamps, who took off out the open door, followed by the two survivors the brothers had been fighting. Sam ran out after them.

Dean let his machete fall to the ground and hooked his arms hooked under the angel's, holding him up and against his chest. He looked over Cas' shoulder and saw how deep the blade had gone, saw the pain in the angel's blue eyes when Cas lolled his head back against Dean's shoulder.

"Oh god." Dean tried and failed to keep the panic out of his voice. He knew Cas was hurt bad.

"Dean..." The angel sputtered, coughed up blood before grasping the knife and shakily pulling it out, letting it drop to the floor. The hunter tried to press his hands to the wound to stop the blood, but he had to pull them back when they felt as if they were being burnt. Dean tried to keep himself calm, but his voice still came out shaky and terrified.

"You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay. Hey, it's not that bad, it's not even that bad." Dean lied as he looked at the blood rapidly pooling on the angel's shirt before running in rivulets to soak the dirt floor, lit up by the more worrisome blueish white hue of angelic grace showing from the wound.

"We're going to get you patched up, okay?" Fear and panic was now clear in Dean's voice, and tears rolled down his cheeks. His voice shook uncontrollably.

"I'm gonna take care of you. That's my job, right?"

Castiel's eyes looked around wildly before he managed to lock on to Dean. He knew that the wound was bad, if it wasn't, he wouldn't be in this much pain, and Dean wouldn't be this worried.

"Dean..." Cas had so much to say to the hunter, but he knew he would never get it out.

"Dean, I...I..."

Castiel never finished his sentence. He drew in one last wet, gurgling breath before he stopped moving and went lax in Dean's arms.

"Cas? Oh no no no no. Cas? Cas!"

Castiel didn't respond.

Dean cried out as a pain like nothing he had ever felt in Hell or on Earth spread through his whole body. He felt an intense burning cover his chest and the insides of his arms, as a blinding light emanated from the angel in his arms, and the hunter was forced to shut his eyes. He knew what this meant, even if he didn't want to admit it.

Once the light faded, Dean slowly looked down to see Castiel's lifeless body in his arms. The hunter sank down against the support beam to the floor and just sat there, tears in his eyes, holding the angel against himself.  
He heard rapid footsteps coming towards him, instinct told him to get up, get ready for a possible fight, that the vamps might be back, but he didn't move. Looking up through eyes blurry with tears, he saw Sam running towards him and Cas. His brother stopped in the door when he saw the scene before him. Dean holding the lifeless body of the angel in his lap, blood soaking Cas' shirt and Dean's hands.

"Cas?" Sam already knew he would get no answer, but part of him needed to be sure. Seeing that his brother was making no attempt to get up, Sam slowly made his way over to him.

Dean was only vaguely aware of his brother kneeling down beside him and gently moving the angel out of the way. He was so wrapped up in his grief he didn't feel the pain until Sam tried to move him. That's when the agony hit. His arms and chest felt like they were on fire. Dean cried out and stopped moving, for now the tears stopped as pain overcame anguish. Concern showed in Sam's eyes, his brother was obviously in tremendous pain, and the younger Winchester couldn't tell why.

"Dean? Dean, what's wrong."

Dean gasped as another wave of pain hit him when he tried to stand again.

"I...I don't know."

Seeing that it seemed to be his arms and chest, Sam was careful to only touch his brother's back as he helped him up.

Once they were outside, Sam stopped to get a better look at Dean, and was shocked by what he saw. It had been dark in the barn, and he couldn't see the marks, but in the sun they were clear. The front of Dean's shirt was mostly burnt away, and Sam could see that Castiel's wings had burnt onto Dean's chest, arms and stomach. Angry red welts were quickly forming on his brother's torched skin, Sam needed to get him to the motel soon so he could help.

 

After gently easing Dean into the passenger seat, Sam made his way back to the barn.  
He stopped in the doorway, seeing the lifeless vessel containing a dead Castiel, the angel blade discarded on the floor a few feet away, part of his wings burnt onto the soil and a nearby support beam. Cas was really gone. The angel that had rebelled against Heaven, helped stop the Apocalypses and was hunted by his own kind, had been taken out by a vampire. Some normal, everyday monster had killed him.  
Sam shook his head sadly, feeling hot tears behind his eyes that didn't fall, and bent down to pick up the body.

 

Dean didn't really see his brother come back, didn't see him carry the body towards the trunk of the Impala, then stop and lay it in the backseat instead.  
Dean's tears had stopped, but everything felt surreal, like he was in a daze. Like this was all just another nightmare he would wake up from eventually. He stared straight ahead, unseeing, unmoving.  
Sam slipped into the driver's side and started the motor. He didn't say anything to Dean, didn't know what he could say, so he settled for silence.

 

Once they were back at the motel, Sam pulled the Impala up in front of their room, shut off the engine and turned to Dean.

"You need help?"

Sam saw his brother wince and clench his teeth, but force himself to open the passenger door and get out anyways. It was slow, but Dean was determined to do it himself.  
Sam handed him the room key, before heading over to the back seats to get Cas. He glanced around quickly, not wanting anyone to see him carrying a body into their room. He laid the angel down on one of the beds, before turning to face Dean, who had taken up residence near the other.

"I'll get the first aid kit."

Dean didn't acknowledge what his brother had said, hadn't heard it really. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn't hear Sam re-entered the room with the kit until the door shut and startled him.  
He wouldn't sit, but he let Sam ease the remains of his over shirt off, most of which was simply cut away.  
Sam winced, starting to get an idea of just how bad the burns were, parts of Dean's under shirt had burnt into his skin and would have to be peeled out, the painkillers they had wouldn't be enough to mask that pain.

"Dean, it's a lot worse than I thought, we have to take you to a hospital."

Still silent as ever, Dean simply nodded before slowly making his way to the door. He let Sam open it and then help him into the passenger seat of his car. Nothing was said on the way to the hospital.

 

Dean stared at the dash while Sam drove and occasionally cast a worried glance at his big brother.  
He was concerned that Dean was so numb, despite everything that had just happened. He should be upset and in tremendous pain, but no such emotion showed on his face. He just sat there, blank.  
He hadn't said a word since they left the barn, and that bothered Sam too. He was used to hearing his brother ramble on, sometimes just about random things, but still, it was better than this. When Dean was silent, things were bad.  
When Dean wasn't staring out the window, or at the dashboard, he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering to his hands. They were a rusty, orange red, caked with dried blood. Cas' blood. As that though passed through him, Dean couldn't help the way his hands started tot shake. He had to look away from them, but every time they so much as flinched, he could feel the sticky, staining fluid crack or crumble. He wanted to scrub them, he wanted to scrub his entire body, then he wanted to go to sleep for a month. I wanted to feel nothing.

 

Once they got to the hospital, Sam parked as close to the emergency doors as he could get, before cutting the engine. He saw Dean try to reach for his door handle and then freeze, a grimace on his face.

"His skin is tightening up." Sam realized.

Getting out and moving to his brother's side, Sam opened the door and waited patiently while the older hunter eased himself out, refusing help. It was only out of sheer stubbornness that Dean was moving at all.

The waiting room was empty, save one person, when the two brothers entered, and Sam was grateful Dean wouldn't have long to wait. The brunet hurried to the reception desk. He tried to stay calm, but he could tell his voice came out panicked.

"Hey, my brother was burnt really bad, we need help."

A woman, about 35, with short black hair and a paisley print shirt looked past Sam to Dean.

"Keep him still and I'll buzz Dr. Harper down, he should be able to help your brother soon." 

She sounded genuinely concerned and in a hurry, but calm and collected at the same time. 

"While you wait, can you fill this out?" She asked, handing him a clipboard with registration papers and a pen. Sam took it hesitantly.

"I know," she continued. "They're a pain in the ass, but we need your info."

The hunter nodded in understanding and went to sit down near his brother.

He filled out the papers, using fake names, addresses, etc, and he fully intended to pay for all medication with a stolen credit card.  
Thankfully Dr. Harper arrived soon. He was a little shorter than Dean, but years older. He was an average weight, had brown, slightly greying hair, and a too white smile which he tried to greet them with. It faded once he saw Dean.

"Alright Mr. Cobain, let's get you to emergency 3. I'll get a nurse to bring a wheelchair-"

"I can walk." Dean interrupted. His voice was gruffer than usual, almost constricted. He cleared his throat and took a few steps towards the hall as if to prove his point. He winced, but did it anyway. The doctor seemed worried.

"Mr. Cobain, I really don't-"

"Look, if I sit down now, I'm gonna go into shock, I can make it down the hall." He said, somewhat hotly.

Dr. Harper hesitated a moment longer, but seeing that he wasn't going to win this fight, nodded and gestured for Dean and Sam to follow him.

 

Once in one of the emergency rooms, the doctor asked Dean to get up onto one of the beds and lay down. Dean sat. Dr. Harper hesitated, but then continued.

"If your burns are serious, we might have to knock you out to clean them properly."

Dean nodded and let the doctor take a look at him.

"I'm gonna give you some morphine, it might make you loopy or nauseous, but it will help with the pain, then we'll start cleaning this up. If at any time you feel like you are going to throw up, please say so." Dr. Harper said, reaching for a needle on the table behind him. He gave Dean the morphine first, managing to hit a vein on the first go. It had to be in the hunter's hand so it wouldn't be in the way. Quickly, he taped it in place and hooked it up to a steadily dripping IV bag. Once that was done, he gave Dean a minute to let the morphine kick in. For a moment Dean went pale and looked as if he might throw up, but he managed to breathe through it until the nausea subsided. With that done, Dr. Harper gave his patient a numbing shot which had to be injected directly into the wound. The hunter grimaced and growled, clenching the edge of the bed hard, but sat like a rock through the pain.

"Once we get your shirt off we can see how bad this is."

Dean finally laid down and stayed still now that he didn't think he was in danger of going into shock. Even if he did, it wouldn't matter now. He stared at the ceiling while Dr. Harper cut off his shirt, he couldn't feel it anymore.  
Sam watched from the sidelines, grimacing while the doctor gently eased the charred bits of cotton out of his brother's skin, and then began to really look at how bad it was.  
The younger hunter managed to stifle his gasp when he saw the full burns for the first time. They spread from the middle of Dean's chest out to his shoulders and down his arms to just past his elbows, and down his stomach. Sam now saw that part of his brother's pants were singed too. After thoroughly cleaning the wounds that he could, the doctor bandaged Dean up.

"Well, Mr. Cobain," he said to Dean. "You have mostly first and second degree burns on your arms and stomach, parts of your chest too. If properly treated, those should heal in about three weeks, with scaring. What I am more concerned about are the third degree burns on your chest. They are more prone to infection, and have blistered worse than the rest of your burns. I'm afraid those will take closer to six or seven weeks to heal, and you will scar badly, especially i the welts burst. There is pain medication we can give you, as well as a cooling gel for your more minor burns after they heal a bit more. You will have to take antibiotics, but this will be debilitating for you for a while. I do have some questions for you though."

Dean looked away from the ceiling and made eye contact with the doctor for the first time. He didn't say anything, just waited.

"First off, what burned you?"

Dean looked back up and away, blinking rapidly to try and stop the tears that formed in the corners of his eyes. Sam could tell if he could have, his brother would've bolted. Since he couldn't, he went to his second choice, avoidance.

"Look, Doc, just give me the painkillers and we'll be on our merry way." There was heavy sarcasm in the hunter's voice, but he didn't even want to think about what had burnt him, let alone try to explain it to some schmuck. Dr. Harper was taken aback by his patience's sudden snark and avoidance.

"Sir, we need to know what burnt you so we can make sure you don't get an infection, if it-"

Dean turned back to the doctor.

"Tell you what, if I get an infection, you'll be the first to know." Dean plastered on an obviously fake smile that look more like a grimace.

Dr. Harper stuttered over his words a moment, unsure how to react.

"I'll find out which room you will be staying in, then-"

"No." The hunter's tone was firm, final.

"What do you mean, 'no'?'"

The doctor gave Dean an incredulous look.

"I mean I'm not staying in this place over night."

Doctor Harper looked helplessly to Sam, then back to Dean.

"Mr. Cobain, you have third degree burns, I don't know if you realize how serious that is, we don't even know the full extent of how injured you are, you could have more severe injuries to muscles, tissues... you cannot leave the hospital."

"Doc, can you give us a second?" Sam interrupted, before his brother could take a swing at the guy and hurt himself more. "Please?"

Dr. Harper hesitated a moment before nodding and leaving the room. The second he was gone, Dean turned to Sam.

"Sam, I am not staying here over night!" Dean hissed at his brother.

His little brother help up his hands, trying to calm Dean down.

"Dean, like he said, we don't know how bad this is. I can't treat third degree burns, and even your painkillers aren't enough for this. Look, you're just gonna have to tough it out for a couple weeks until we know how bad this is."

Dean struggled to find a valid argument for why Sam should sneak him out of here, but he didn't have one. He finally conceded.

"Fine, but on one condition."

Sam sighed, but listened anyway. If Dean didn't get his one condition, he was gonna sneak out of the hospital himself just to piss Sam off.

"Alright, what?"

Dean knew his brother would give. He was sure Sam would have done this anyways, but he needed to be sure.

"You better give Cas one damn good hunter's funeral."

Sam felt his throat tighten when he was reminded of what he had to do tonight, but he nodded. He would have given the angel a proper funeral anyways, but if it made Dean feel better to be sure, then he would agree with him.

"Yeah, Dean. Of course." He rasped out, unable to meet his brother's gaze.

Dean nodded. His lips were pressed in a tight line as he fought against the tightness of his own throat.

"Good."

 

The drive back to the motel was quiet. Sam worried about his brother, and how he was copping with everything, how he was dealing with the pain. Dean was tough, Sam knew that, but he also knew how close the angel and his brother had been. Cas had been Dean's only real friend. They had hunting buddies, sure, and Bobby, who was more like a dad, but Cas was different. There had been something between him and Dean, something Sam never had with the angel. A strong trust, a deep understanding of each other. A profound bond.

 

That night, Sam wrapped the angel's body in one of the motel's clean, white sheets as he held back tears that wanted to fall. He was still having a hard time believing that Cas was gone. The angel that had faced down demons, archangels, and gone against God, had been taken out by three vampires. It really made you realize how easily everything could change.

 

It was dark out as Sam drove down back roads and grids until he was far away from town, way out in a clearing surrounded by tall trees. The place kinda reminded him of where he had buried Dean after he went to Hell, but he refused to continue that train of thought and remember who had gotten Dean out in the first place.  
Sam piled wood, making a platform, and moved Castiel's body into place. Once everything was ready, the salt was set and the fire was lit, the hunter stood back and silently watched as the hot flames engulfed his friend.  
Gentle sobs shook Sam's body as tears ran down his face, now that he didn't have something to be doing, he didn't have a distraction from the fact that he was currently having a funeral for Cas.

He stayed until the fire burnt itself out, and all that was left were ashes, the spot marked with a simple wooden cross stuck into the ground.  
Sam felt like he should say something, but he didn't know what. He could never thank the angel enough for everything he had done for them, nor could he apologize profusely enough for all the shit they had put him through.  
He decided that he wouldn't say anything, he couldn't find the right words. The younger hunter took one last look at the cross, before wiping the remaining tears from his face and making his way back to the car.

 

Back at the motel, Sam sighed and picked up his phone. He didn't want to call Bobby, but someone had to do it, and he knew it would be too hard for Dean. Especially right now. His big brother liked to act like nothing bothered him, so he pretended he was fine. He had done this after their father died too, acting like everything was normal. Because that's what Dean did, he lived in denial until he could cope with what had happened.

Sam dialled the number, Bobby picked up on the third ring.

"Yeah?" His voice was gruff, he probably thought they were about to ask for help on a hunt.

"Hey, Bobby." Sam could tell his own tone off, but Bobby didn't seem to notice.

"Hey, Sam. You three take care of that nest okay?"

Sam hesitated, he really didn't want to be the one to tell him this, Cas had been Bobby's friend too after all. 

"......Not exactly."

The older hunter's tone was concerned as he quickly replied.

"Sam? What's wrong? You okay?"

"I'm fine Bobby, it's uh... It's Cas and Dean. The hunt...There were more vampires than we expected..." Sam felt his throat constrict and tears prick at the back of his eyes. "Bobby, Cas didn't make it."

There was a hard pause on the other end of the line. When Bobby spoke again, Sam could hear the disbelief in his voice.

"Didn't make it? Cas is dead?"

Sam's silence said it all. Bobby's tone now switched to concerned.

"And Dean?"

Sam cringed as he remembered seeing Dean's chest.

"Dean's hurt bad. He's in the hospital right now."

Sam could hear the sound of a bottle being set down, and Bobby taking some deep breaths before talking again.

"What happened?"

Sam had to get his own drink for this. He found a bottle of Dean's whiskey in the mini fridge and grabbed it before sitting down on his bed. He poured some into a glass and took a long swallow before replying.

"I didn't see much. I guess some vamps got the jump on Cas. I heard him scream, and by the time I turned around, Dean was holding him up and the rest of the nest had taken off. I ran out after them, but they got away. When I got back, Dean was sitting on the floor holding Cas and..."

Both hunters took shaky breaths and a long swigs of whatever they were drinking. Bobby broke the silence first.

"You said Dean got hurt?"

Sam nodded even though he knew Bobby couldn't see it, and he had to take another drink.

"He's uh, he's burnt pretty bad."

Now Bobby understood. Angel's wings burnt when the angel died. Dean had been holding Cas when...

"Well how bad is it?"

Sam refilled his drink, stood up and started pacing, an annoying habit he had picked up from Dean.

"Bad. He's gonna be in the hospital for a few weeks at least, and he's gonna have bad scars."

On the other end of the line, Sam thought he heard Bobby cursing.

"Listen, Bobby, I gotta go. I'll keep you updated."

Bobby sighed heavily but said yeah before he hung up.

Once he was off the phone with Sam, he grabbed the closest thing to him, an empty bottle, stood up and flung it against the wall hard, smashing it.

"Damn it!"

He resisted the urge to hit a wall or throw something else, instead started pacing, a half full bottle in his hand he knew would be empty by morning.

 

Dean woke with a start around three in the morning, drenched in a cold sweat, panting and with tears running down his face. His whole body shook as he tried to calm down. That nightmare...Every time he closed his eyes he saw it again. The pain and fear in Cas' eyes as he looked at the hunter, the blade stuck deep in his stomach. Dean could almost smell the coppery blood mixed with the acrid scent of sweat, making his nightmare more vivid and painful.  
He looked around himself for the first time. The room was dark and for a moment he couldn't remember where he was. Then he moved to sit up, and the searing pain he felt reminded him. He was in the hospital, and Cas was... Dean laid back down and tried to stay still, a difficult task with violent sobs shaking his body. He didn't sleep again that night.

 

The next day, Sam went back to the hospital to check on Dean. On the way he stopped at a diner and grabbed something to go. He knew his brother hated hospital food and would be pissed if Sam didn't bring him anything.  
He found his way back to Dean's room easily, navigating the hallways up to the third floor. He rounded the corner, and the sight that greeted him as he stood in the doorway wasn't one he was prepared for.

Dean was propped up on his bed with his feet swung over each side. His chest and arms were wrapped, Sam guessed someone had just changed them. An IV was stuck in his arm, taped in place, steadily dripping some powerful pain medication into the tube. His brother's hair stuck out in all directions and he looked exhausted. Dean sat starring at the floor, he hadn't notice the new arrival yet, and Sam nearly stepped back out of the room, but he couldn't. As hard as it was to see Dean like this, knowing he was like this and not being there for him would have been harder. He forced himself to walk into the room.

"I brought you breakfast. I figured you'd hate the food here."

Dean look up when he heard his brother. Sam had to stop when he was hit with the full force of his brother's gaze. His eyes were glazed over, and Sam was pretty sure it wasn't from the drugs. Whatever it was couldn't mask the agony and suffering clearly seen in the hunter gaze. Dark bags underlined Dean's eyes, and the younger Winchester could tell they were red from crying. There was something else too, something in Dean's eyes that Sam couldn't quite place. He tried to shake it off as he looked away from his brother. He set the brown paper takeout bag from the dinner on the bedside eating table.

"What are the doctors saying?" The hunter asked, still unable to make eye contact again.

Dean tried to move to pull the table over him, but the movement was too much. He hissed in pain and stopped, Sam quickly moved the tray for him. His brother grunted his thanks before opening the bag and pulling out a burger. He manage to give Sam a fake grin of appreciation before he looked back down. When he spoke, his voice was raspy, thick and low.

"They don't know much yet. They said I would probably be here for three weeks at least, more if the..." Dean trailed off. He couldn't even say burns without remembering. "If the damage is deeper."

Sam nodded. No one said anything more while Dean ate. Each movement he made was very slow, moving any part of his chest or arms shot white-hot pain through his body. He only got done half the burger before he said he wasn't hungry anymore and pushed the rest away.  
At that moment Dr. Harper came in. He said a quick hi to Sam before asking Dean how he felt.

"Peachy." Dean mumbled sarcastically. "Tell someone to up my pain killers."

A lifetime of getting thrown around, breaking and dislocating bones, and waking up with killer hangovers, Dean was used to taking painkillers a lot. As a result, he had built up quite an immunity to them, so it took a lot for them to be effective.

The doctor smiled sympathetically.

"We can't take all the pain away."

Dean found the doctor's tone extremely irritating. Talking to him like he was a little kid or something. He made a mental note to punch him when he got the chance.  
Sam didn't stick around much longer. After he asked the doctor himself about Dean's condition, and getting back the same answer as his brother gave him, Sam headed back to the motel.

 

Sam called Bobby as promised and updated him on Dean's condition. He also mentioned that the five vampires that had gotten away were still out there somewhere. Bobby told him he had already asked some hunters nearby to take care of it. As soon as they found out it was personal, and that the vamps had killed a friend of Bobby's, they set out with a vengeance. Sam was sure they would find them.  
Him and Bobby talked a while longer. Sam mentioned how bad Dean was taking everything, and the older hunter told him he was gonna drive down and would be there in a few days. Sam thanked him before hanging up.

 

Three days later Bobby rolled up in front of the motel. Him and Sam went to visit Dean, who didn't seem much different than the first day Sam went to see him. The younger Winchester noticed how the older hunter reacted when Dean made eye contact with him. It stopped him in his tracks too, and left Bobby stuttering for a moment.  
They couldn't stay long. The doctors had to do a few tests on Dean that day and the next, so they told the two hunters not to bother stopping by, because Dean wouldn't be available.  
They were told a few days later that there was minimal muscle damage and Dean should make a full recovery. Dean didn't seem to care.

 

The weeks passed. Bobby had gone home a few days after he arrived, said he had to man the phones. Sam stayed in the same gross motel, going to visit Dean as often as he could. He noticed his brother wasn't eating as much as normal, and was usually very quiet, only speaking when spoken to, and hardly even then. Sam wanted to dismiss it as part of the burns, but he knew it wasn't. He found himself wishing Cas was with them, and knew if the angel was, Dean would be doing much better.

 

By the time the three weeks were almost up, Dean was more than ready to get out of the hospital. All he had been allowed to do was walk up and down the halls, something he found himself doing often in his last week there. It was mandatory at first. Dean needed to walk and move so the doctors could see how he was doing, but even once he no longer needed to do it, he found himself wandering the halls.  
It started out of pure boredom. He would just get sick of being in his room, so he would walk around for a bit. Then he started doing it when his nightmares woke him up. The first few times he had done it, the nurses would tell him to go back to bed, but after a while, they just let him go. Dean suspected that one of them had overheard him one night. He knew he screamed in his sleep, other patients in nearby rooms had told him he did. A few nights he had even screamed Cas' name. Tonight was one of those nights.

It was a similar nightmare each time, holding Cas in his arms as the angel died, not being able to stop it. And each night he woke up from the dream panting and sweating and with tears running down his face. He was about to get up and start walking, when a nurse came into his room. She was an older woman with short, curly blond hair and a quick step. Dean had seen her around before. She sat down on the edge of his bed and looked him in the eye. Dean felt embarrassed, he hated people seeing him cry.

"You okay now?" she asked. Her voice was quiet and soothing.

Dean took in shaky breaths, trying to calm down. This wasn't like a nightmare little kids have where you can tell them it's okay, it's over now, it wasn't real, because for Dean, it wasn't okay, it wasn't over, an it was real. He cleared his throat.

"I uh...I was um...did I scream again?"

The nurse nodded.

"I've heard you these past few nights. Sometimes you just scream, then I see you start to wander the halls. Some nights you call out someone's name, and you seem worse on those nights. You called for them again tonight."

Dean wiped the tears off his face and sighed, his breathing starting to return to normal. The nurse look worried.

"Honey, did you lose someone?"

Dean looked back up to her. He wasn't sure if he should lie or not.

"I uh, yeah I did."

The nurse nodded again. She didn't say anything, didn't push for more, but Dean could tell she was curious. He continued.

"It was my fault. I should have been watching out for him. I should helped him." Dean's voice cracked and he had to stop for a moment, the nurse grabbed his hand and squeezed reassuringly.

"Did it happen when this did?" she said, gesturing to his bandages. Dean closed his eyes and nodded. She didn't ask him anymore questions, just patted him on the hand stayed quiet for a moment. She stood up before she spoke again.

"I don't know what happened, or who's fault it was, all I can tell you is that the pain you feel now...it will get better. Just give it time."

She smiled and left. Dean wasn't sure if he believed her. It was more than loss and pain he felt. It was guilt and regret, and he knew those didn't go away, not completely.  
He thought about going for a walk, but he was relaxed enough now that he didn't have to. He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was dark in the room, but he could see it said quarter to four. He tried to sleep, but only succeeded in dozing for half an hour or so.

 

A few days later, Sam picked Dean up from the hospital. The doctor carefully explained to both the brothers how to treat the burns, and what to be on the lookout for. Sam nodded along and listened attentively, while Dean ignored everything and glanced towards the door. Once they left, the older Winchester told his brother to drive, since he still couldn't. Sam had remembered to grab everything from the motel and check out before he went to get Dean. This way, they could start the drive to Bobby's directly. But Dean wanted to visit Castiel's grave before they left. Sam conceded.

 

Once they arrived, Dean asked Sam to stay in the car. His brother once again went along with it and said he would. Dean got out and started the short walk to the grave site Sam directed him to. It was off the road and through the trees a ways. Dean was starting to wonder if he was going the right way, then he saw it. A simple wooded cross. He felt his stomach flip and his heart sink, but he made himself walk up to it.

"Cas, you got your ears on?" Dean's voice quivered and was low, quiet. "Listen, I don't know...what happens to you when you die. I don't know...where you go...I don't know if you can hear me or not...but if you can," Dean crouch down. "I want you to know that I am so sorry. I uh, I messed up." His voice cracked badly and he could feel tears build behind his eyes. "It was my fault. I should've been watching you, I should've-" He cut himself off, he was on the verge of tears, but was too stubborn to let them fall. "I failed you. But I guess that's what I do, I get the people I care about killed. Cas, I-" Dean couldn't say it. For months he was wanted to tell Cas how he felt, but never did. His own confusion at feeling that way at all about a guy kept him from saying anything, and now he'd lost his chance. "I'm sorry, Cas." He forced out, he wasn't sure exactly what he was apologizing for anymore. Tears he was already trying to suppress rolled down his face as he took one last look at Castiel's grave.

 

In the three days it took to drive to Bobby's, Dean barely spoke. A few times Sam tried to get his brother to talk, but when all he got were grunts in response, he gave up. They spoke when they needed to stop, or when Sam helped take off his bandages, but most of the drive was spent in silence. Dean was glad that he didn't have one of his nightmares while him and his brother shared a room, he didn't want to get into that now. Or ever.

 

Once they were back at Bobby's, Dean retreated to his room upstairs, Sam brought his stuff up for him. Dean said he was just gonna stay up here and clean the guns. They hadn't used the guns since the last time they were cleaned, but the younger brother didn't point that out. He knew Dean just wanted to be alone.

 

Dean made an appearance around supper time. He ate very little, and didn't say anything. Sam shot Bobby a meaningful look, and the older hunter nodded. They needed to talk about Dean later.

Once he was done, the hunter went right back upstairs, saying something about being tired. The other two said goodnight, Dean grumbled and left. Sam turned to Bobby once his brother was gone.

"He's not okay, Bobby. He's hardly said a word to me in three weeks, he barely eats, and he's always tired."

Bobby nodded.

"I know. I've never seen him like this. I think Cas dying hit him harder than we know."

 

Bobby's room was right down the hall from Dean's, so he woke up almost instantly when he heard the screaming. He jumped out of bed and ran down the hall, thinking the worst, too worried to think to grab any kind of weapon. He burst through Dean's door, looking around for the source that was causing his boy pain. Flicking on the light, Bobby saw Dean on his bed. He was screaming and thrashing around, but he was asleep. Bobby rushed to his side and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him.

"Dean! Dean, wake up!"

The hunters eye flew open. He looked around frantically before focusing on Bobby. His cheeks turned a darker red with embarrassment.

"Sorry, Bobby.” He panted out. “It's nothing. I'm fine."

Bobby snorted, taking in Dean's tear stained face and shaky breaths.

"The hell you are. What were you dreaming about?"

Dean shook his head.

"Nothing."

Bobby frowned. He knew Dean was lying, but if he didn't want to talk about it, Bobby wouldn't push him.

 

Dean came downstairs around eleven the next morning. It was already a blistering hot day out, and everyone was in t-shirts. Sam was the first to spot Dean when his brother made an appearance.

"Dean, what the hell are you wearing an over shirt for? It's ninety degrees out."

Dean just shrugged.

"I'm gonna go work on the car."

Once again, Sam didn't point out that the car didn't have anything that needed to be worked on. Dean disappeared outside for the rest of the day.

 

The next day the same thing happened. Dean came downstairs on a scorching hot day, wearing an over shirt with the sleeves rolled down. Once again he didn't tell anyone why. He didn't tell them that he didn't want to see the scars and remember.

 

That night he had a nightmare again. He woke up Bobby with his screaming, but Bobby didn't get to him before he called out for Cas. Now the older hunter was starting to understand, because he had done the same thing after his wife had died. There must have been something a whole lot stronger than friendship between Dean and the angel. When he asked Dean about it, silence was his only answer, which said it all really. The older hunter just sighed and said he was sorry. Dean knew he meant he was sorry for him and his loss. Bobby didn't ask anymore questions.

 

The next day Dean didn't come downstairs. When Sam went up to see if he was okay, he saw the bathroom door was shut. He knocked.

"Dean?"

He heard shuffling and the clank of bottles he guessed Dean was trying to hide.

"Dean?"

"Go away, Sam." His voice was rough and raspy. Clearly he had been drinking. Sam ignore his brother and opened the door. He saw Dean sitting on the edge of the tub, his head hung down.

"Dean?" His voice soft and gentle, testing the waters.

When Dean looked up, Sam was hit with that look again. The one from the hospital. The look that Sam now recognized. He had seen the same look in his own eyes in the mirror after Jessica died. It was the same look Bobby had worn he spoke about his wife. And it hit him like a train. The look on Dean's face before when he looked at Cas, his lack of interest in any women, why Cas death hit him so much harder, it all made sense now. Sam found himself stammering, trying to say something.

"I...I didn't...Dean, I am so sorry, I didn't know...you never said anything. I didn't know...about you and Cas."

Dean's head snapped up.

"Did Bobby say something?"

Sam frowned in confusing and shook his head.

"No, I just...It just....The look in your eyes, I've seen it in myself after Jess died."

Dean nodded. Then he got up and went back into his room, closing the door firmly behind him.

 

Weeks passed and Dean did start to improve a little. He talked a little more and hid a little less, but he was nowhere close to what he had been like before. No one pushed him though. Both Sam and Bobby knew the kind of pain he was going through, and they just gave him space.

Then one day, Dean came downstairs in a short sleeve shirt, the scars trailing down his arms plain to see. No one said anything or made a big deal of it, they just let Dean do his thing.

 

A month later Dean stood in front of Bobby's full length bathroom mirror, really looking for the first time at his chest and stomach. He had mostly been able to avoid it up to this point. He could see the definition of both wings. The thicker parts of the wing had burned the worst. On his chest he saw where the strong flight muscles would have been, extending all the way to his shoulders and partially down his arms. Below that, there were lines coming down from them, those would have been bones, they extended to his waist band. Coming off of the lines were lighters burns, the feathers. Dean had known that angel's wings burnt when they died, but this...This was more like a tattoo. It had gone right though his shirt and burnt directly into his skin. Finally turning away from the mirror, Dean grabbed his shirt off the sink and went back to his bedroom.

As he lay under the sheets, he traced the scars with his finger tips, avoiding the still slightly sensitive spots. He thought back about the angel for the first time without feeling like he was gonna break down. He remembered all Cas had done for him, all they had accomplished together, and let his mind wander through the memories of the years he'd known the angel. No order really, just things that still stood out after all these years.

 

/“What did you do?”

“I don't know. I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault her father, Jean, abandoned her when she was young. It was because he hated his job at the post office.”/

 

/“I learnt my lesson while I was gone, Dean. I serve Heaven, not humanity. And I certainly don't serve you.”/

 

/“You made an exception for me.”

“You're different.”/

 

/“I killed two angels this week. Those are my brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you. And you failed. And I lost everything. And still, I stayed.”/

 

/“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You.”/

 

/"You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay. Hey, it's not that bad, it's not even that bad. We're going to get you patched up, okay? I'm gonna take care of you. That's my job, right?"

"Dean... Dean, I...I..."

"Cas? Oh no no no no. Cas? Cas!"/

 

And in the dark of his room, where no one else could hear him, Dean finally whispered those three little words for the first time.

"Cas, I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> First off, sorry. This fic took me a couple months to do, and then I read over it a couple months after it was done and fixed a bunch of mistakes. I've written other fics, but this is the first one I've published. Please review and comment so I can improve
> 
> PS: My Tumblr: im-here-cause-im)not-all-there98


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